A first date is embarrassing enough. Don't add a side of garlic cheese fries to make it worse.
There is nothing wrong with being prepared for a first date. You have the perfect outfit, the perfect itinerary, and the perfect restaurant. Here are some tips and tricks to ensure you don't peruse the menu for thirty minutes or ruin that movie moment first kiss with gross onion breath.
1. Spaghetti
It is inevitable that at some point in your spaghetti bowl, you will have to resort to the eating technique of slurping, which will just remind your date of when Michelle Tanner ate her way through little Italy. Word to the wise, "Lady and the Trampin' it" is a myth.
2. Ribs and Wings
When the waiter offers you complimentary extra napkins, it should be an immediate red flag. Any food that requires you to use enough napkins to destroy a national park forest is a no-go-zone.
3. Customized Salads
There is nothing wrong with ordering healthy on a date, BUT don't come off as that OCD crazy health freak who changes ranch to their lightest vinaigrette and asks for the bleu cheese on the side. Ranch is delicious, so make this first date your cheat day PUH-LEASE IN THE NAME OF LOVE!!!
4. Garlic and Onion
Avoid garlic and onions like the plague. Need I say more? If you're trying to go home with your date later, you won't, because of your pungent breath. Even gum can't help you now.
5. Vegetables Loaded with Fiber
Unless you want to spend your night holding in the copious amounts of gas you've just accumulated in your body, I'd save that side order of veggies for a night with your Netflix. There's nothing like testing the limits of this relationship by farting on the first date.
6. Processed Meat
Processed meats are definitely another no-go-zone. If you're at a baseball game, I'd say 100% go for the girl next door look and order a hot dog. But otherwise, eating processed meats recreationally on your dates will lead to bloating, and bloating leads to....bloating.
7. Obnoxiously Expensive Foods
Don't be the date trying to show off. 9/10 dates will find it unappetizing and uncomfortable. Always remember, modesty is key with the bottle of wine order.
8. Corn on the Cob
Just no. Don't eat corn on the cob standing up, just don't eat corn on the cob. OK, promise? It'll get stuck in your teeth and leave you panicking for the nearest toothbrush.
9. Sparkling Drinks
Bubbles lead to burping. I advise you to stick with still as one drink is not worth the regret you'll feel after pulling a Buddy the Elf.
10. Cocktails
As far as ordering a drink, I highly recommend, in fact, encourage getting a little liquid courage in your system. Stick to still over bubbly and wine/beer over liquor. You don't want to be blacked out telling your date what beautiful babies you'd make.
There you have it! The do's and don'ts to make your date smitten and to ensure you get that Rachel and Ross perfect first kiss. You are so welcome. I'll be eagerly awaiting your wedding invitation!
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